Posted by
Rude One
1. Democrats won. Don't let any motherfuckers spin it any other way.
It's that simple. No, Democrats didn't win as much as we would have
wanted. Yes, they lost a couple of seats in the Senate. Yes, there were
some heartbreakers, like Beto O'Rourke losing to the desert skink in a
human skin suit, Ted Cruz.
But, in the light of day, after all the
counting is done, Democrats began Tuesday by having no power in federal
government (beyond the Senate filibuster) and ended it with full
subpoena and investigative power as the majority in the House of
Representatives. That's a fucking unequivocal win, taking some longtime
seats from the filthy hands of the GOP.
And bathe yourself in the blood
of the deaths of the political careers of Kris Kobach, Dana Rohrbacher,
and Scott Walker, among so many other fucknuts. So quit bitching about
the losses, hang in there for the recounts, get jazzed about the local
and state victories, and get ready for the coming war.
2. We all want Nancy Pelosi to put on the deluxe spiked strap-on and
ream the assholes of the Trump Administration. God, their yowls of pain
would be like sweet music for the next two years. Lemme lay out a better
strategy.
- Target the most corrupt cockmites in the White House, like Ryan Zinke
and Wilbur Ross (although look for their resignations soon).
- Wreck the scumfucks in the GOP caucus, like Devin Nunes, Steve King,
and Chris Collins, with ethics investigations. Demonstrate that we don't
want traitors and Nazis and thieves in power.
- Shove a hearing enema into the sphincter of things like white
nationalism, voter suppression, immigration fuckery, and anything that
can shine a light on the shitpile of cruelty, negligence, and outright
evil committed by the GOP and conservative nutzoids.
- And release the fuckin' hounds on judicial nominees. Yeah, the House
doesn't vote on 'em, but it can sure as shit investigate if someone's a
damn sexual predator.
3a. But pick the battles with Trump. Goddamn, I want him to suffer
subpoena and arrests so fucking much that I can taste the orange tanning
spray dripping off his sweaty face. I want him to watch his horrible
jizzstain children sent to prison. I want him to see his fake empire
burned to the fucking ground with lawsuits and bankruptcies until he is
just another pathetic, poor old racist, mumbling to himself in some
stinking room that he used to be someone. But the risk is turning Trump
into a martyr because he loves playing the victim who needs his idiot
hordes to defend him. Start with his taxes. Find out if he's really
under "continuous audit," as he said today (Note: He's not because
that's not a thing). Use that info to say he's a lying dickhole and
should release his taxes. Then subpoena them. Then have a fuckin' fight.
And when the Mueller report is issued (well, if it's
issued now), use that as the basis for an investigation into how the Russians own Trump.
3b. The counter to this is that Trump is gonna whine and attack
Democrats for any investigating at all, so, fuck it, may as well go
whole hog. Go after all of 'em, from dumb thug Eric to skeevy thug Don,
Jr. to incest model Ivanka, and make Jared cry. Go after Trump's
finances, from his money-laundering to his hotels used as bribe machines
to his dicking over of investors. Scorched earth this motherfucker.
Fuck it. What do you think Trump's gonna do? Play nice? Make deals?
Democrats won the House precisely to be a check on Trump. So fuckin'
check away. And impeach the bitch.
4. Trump was a quivering, desperate little jelly man today at whatever
the fuck that press conference was. He was lashing out at any reporters
who dared to challenge him, going so far as calling an African American
reporter "racist" for asking him about racism. You know he wanted to
send goons to break CNN's Jim Acosta's legs. He was ranting and sweating
and threatening and then trying to say he'd work with Democrats. He
praised himself endlessly, going so far as to say that the only lesson
he learned from the midterms was that "People really like me." He really
said, "God plays a big role in my life." He claimed that candidates who
he campaigned for won, despite the fact that that is objectively not
true (he went to Montana four times, but Jon Tester won, for example).
What we were watching were the wheels coming off the wagon as he
realized that Democrats would now be able to show the Americans people
that he really is just a tiny mushroom dick.
5. Shit's gonna get crazy pretty quickly. More on that tomorrow.
Random Observations... (Part 2): How Crazy Will Shit Get?
As we tumble and twist to the end of the year and into the new one with
Democrats having a whole fuckload of power more than they've had since
the end of 2016, you gotta understand that shit's about to go fuckin'
crazy. We have a crazy motherfucker in the White House who is getting
crazier and crankier every day. He's surrounded by crazy motherfuckers,
and the people who believe in him are crazy motherfuckers. And, as I've
said so many times before, a motherfucker will fuck mothers. That is a
motherfucker's primary purpose. So a whole bunch of mothers are about to
get fucked in a motherfucking rage orgy. And when Democrats take over
the House, it's gonna get even fuckier.
1. Shit's gonna get crazy in the lame duck session of Congress. The
Republicans get to keep the House for four weeks of scheduled sessions
before the Christmas break. You can bet that Paul Ryan and the Trump
spunk gobblers in his caucus are gonna try to ram through an Affordable
Care Act repeal, more tax cuts (or more permanent tax cuts), and
whatever else they can. The honest-to-fuck shock is that there are some
bipartisan
bills that might pass, like criminal justice reform and the re-authorization of the Violence Against Women Act. Hell, things might be
just bizarro enough that they make a deal on immigration: DACA kids for
the funding for the bullshit wall (the same deal that was negotiated
before that Trump walked away from). But the Senate is gonna amp up the
judge approvals, and they'll rubber stamp the asses of anyone Trump
nominates to any post. He could send Roy Cohn's skull up for Attorney
General, and Lindsey Graham would screech about how qualified it is and
how Democrats are jerks for pointing out that it's not alive, Jeff Flake
would sigh and tweet how wrong it is, and Orrin Hatch would tongue fuck
the eyeholes, all before making Roy Cohn's skull AG.
2. Shit's gonna get crazy in the Justice Department. Right now, with the
firing of America's most racist leprechaun, Jeff Sessions, we have a
bugfuck insane, walking cockknob as Attorney General. Matthew Whitaker
is a repulsive
idiot, a filthy
con man, and another Trump dick
lamprey.
Not only does the nation have to deal with the fallout of Sessions'
bullshit approach to criminal justice, like ignoring the threat of
far-right violence and
gutting
consent decrees on police brutality, but now we've got an asshole in
there who is a walking conflict of interest. Whether or not the
investigation of Robert Mueller gets to continue is now in the hands of
Kingpin the AG. This is not to mention that we get to look forward to
the confirmation hearing of, perhaps, Chris Christie, which will
primarily consist of Republicans fighting each other to suckle at his
man teats while Christie insults Democrats.
3. Shit's gonna get crazy with Trump's voters. The MAGA chodes have been
told over and over that they will always be winning. Like monkeys who
just had their favorite toy taken away, they're going to be confused by
Democrats being able to subpoena their orange dolt god and force
officials to testify under oath. Monkeys will break shit. They are in
full death threat mode already, against Christine Blasey Ford, who dared
to tell her story of sexual abuse by Brett Kavanaugh, and against any
reporter that Trump calls out, especially April
Ryan
and Jim Acosta. You might have forgotten, but a MAGA puke sent a dozen
bombs to Democrats and liberals opposed to the
resident just a week or
so ago. These assholes have no chill. They are itching for the chance to
take down some libtards. I promise you that right now, they're breaking
out their ape memes to attack Michelle Obama for daring to say that
Trump was full of shit about birther nonsense. I would lay money down
that some piece of shit is locked and loaded and ready to go to Florida
(or, more likely, is already living there) to stop the counting of
ballots.
4. Trump's gonna go full apeshit. Or he's already doing it. Jesus, at that press conference
thing,
he mocked Republicans who lost, he shit-talked the media constantly
when not being outright abusive, and his self-aggrandizement was the
kind of ego rant that one usually associates with a high school student
council member who wants more credit for putting together the homecoming
dance decorations. One quick example: On North Korea, he said, "We made
more progress in that four or five months than they’ve made in 70
years. And nobody else could have done what I’ve done." Bitch, we had
actual deals with North Korea and they fell apart. You haven't done shit
but put your tiny hand in Kim Jong-un's tiny hand and traded palm
sweat. But watch for Trump to lash out even more harshly, as he did
today, calling a reporter's question on the Mueller investigation
"stupid," and look for executive orders piling up. Frankly, if we're not
in a war by the end of 2019, I'll be surprised. Trump is a coward at
heart. It's why he has always crumbled whenever he's been questioned
under oath. He talks a good game about fighting, but he's one of those
punk-ass mob bosses who never got his hands dirty. He's always had goons
and lackeys do his bidding. When his family starts being arrested, he's
gonna scream and throw shit around and demand his idiot horde battle
for his honor.
5. How do you respond to shit going crazy? Simple: You keep poking the
crazy until their crazy is clear. Trump and the GOP are gonna say that
Democrats are "harassing" them by investigating. It won't matter if
Democrats are probing the most obvious shit, like voter suppression. The
second some official is forced to produce documents, Trump will say how
"no man was ever treated worse." It won't matter. Every Democratic bill
will be labeled "socialism." Every opposition to a nominee will be
called "obstruction." He is going to war. So be in a war posture. Go on
the offense (and I talked how to do that
Wednesday), ignore the right-wing noise machine, and bring a modicum of sanity back.
Gird yer loins, sweet Americans. If you thought times have been intense already, we're about to barrel into maelstrom.
