Showing posts with label Funny Shit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Shit. Show all posts

Thursday, January 18, 2018

HYPOCRITES!!! Family Values Republicans Silent As Donald Trump Pays Porn Stars Hush Money

In this ‘Dollemore Daily’, Jesse addresses the reporting surrounding the $130,000 payment that was allegedly paid to porn actress Stephanie Clifford (Stormy Daniels), by Donald Trump, in an effort to keep her silent about their 2006 affair.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

A List Of Some Of Donald Trump's Worst And Most Embarrassing Lowlights From 2017!

In this ‘Dollemore Daily’ Jesse takes a look back at Donald Trump's 2017, which proved to be embarrassing and regrettable. This is IN NO WAY a comprehensive list.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

The Great Grovel Of 2017: Republicans Declare Trump Their King

Posted by Rude One

If I were the greatest fuck-genie with the biggest dick and a tongue so dexterous that anteaters get jealous, I'd be fuckin' embarrassed if my lovers kept telling me how awesome I am, how they've never squirted or vibrated with such intensity, how "exquisite" my abilities are. Hell, in reality, I'm not half-bad in the sack (as far as middle-aged men go), but, even so, I don't want every guy and gal who ever had a great rude ride to walk up to a microphone and announce that their sexual satisfaction is only due to my mad skillz. I mean, Jesus, how pathetic must you be to need that kind of ego stroke? Send me an Edible Arrangement or something.

Then again, I'm not Donald Trump, who still remains our goddamn resident. Apparently, Trump is the kind of lay who needs to be told constantly that his tiny prick is huge, that his fumbling fingers are hitting the g-spot, and that your moans aren't cries of pain, but of ecstasy. In the span of a little over 4 hours, two groups of grown men and women prostrated themselves before Trump and told him how he gave them screaming orgasms.

In the afternoon, at an event that could have been called "Republicans Dance On Your Grave," Trump and congressional leaders celebrated the passage of the tax bill that, at a minimum, will fuck us while we're dry. But Senator after House member freely walked up to the microphone to praise their godhead Trump.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch "I Always Look Like Someone Surprised Me by Sticking Something in My Asshole and I Don't Know How to Feel About It" McConnell gushed like a slobbering hyena, "This has been a year of extraordinary accomplishment for the Trump administration" before listing those accomplishments, which have been listed a million fucking times before by Trump himself.

Savage creep Paul Ryan praised Trump's "exquisite presidential leadership," as if using "exquisite" to describe anything about Trump isn't a hate crime on language.

Rep. Diane Black of one of the dumbest areas of Tennessee really said, "Thank you, President Trump, for allowing us to have you as our President and to make America great again." That's porn shit right there. "Thank you for letting me suck your cock" isn't any filthier than what Black said.

There were more, but let's end with Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah, whose picture is shown to Mormon teenagers whenever they are tempted to masturbate, who threatened, "This is just the beginning. If you stop and think about it, this resident hasn’t even been in office for a year, and look at all the things that he’s been able to get done." And then he saw Trump's presidency as proof that "God loves this country." Up in heaven, God rolled his eyes and made a jack-off gesture.

As for Vice-President Mike Pence, who must drink Trump's semen as a protein supplement, no words from the effusive, humiliating praise he said could make the point more than this image from the angle Fox "news" had while Pence was speaking at a morning cabinet meeting.

What a fucking degrading display for the entire nation. Goddamn, Trump must have some serious shit on these people. Or they are just groveling tools. Or both. Either way, this was a coronation moment. They have declared Trump their king, immaculate and omnipotent, and they his loyal subjects. There are no checks now. And the world is out of balance.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Support For Donald Trump's Impeachment Is Higher Than His Reelection Chances

Source: Newsweek Magazine

BY SAM SCHWARZ ON 12/20/17 AT 9:18 AM

Donald Trump is hemorrhaging support among the American people, and now more than 40 percent of Americans think it's time to start the process to impeach him, a new poll finds. The number is higher than the percentage of Americans who said they planned to vote for the current resident in the 2020 election.

The NBC News/Wall Street Journal survey, out Wednesday, carried very little good news for the resident and put him on notice that close to half of Americans believe there is enough for Congress to hold impeachment hearings even before the conclusion of special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation. The poll found that 70 percent of Democrats, 40 percent of Independents and even seven percent of Republicans are in favor of Congress holding hearings to remove the resident from office.

The number calling for impeachment proceedings to get underway closely parallels the 38 percent of Americans who believe Trump colluded with Russia to win the 2016 president election.

The White House has both publicly and privately suggested that Mueller's investigation will come to an end early in the new year, but that would appear to be wishful thinking. Recent reports have instead indicated that Mueller and his team could be working at least through the midterm elections in 2018 and possibly even beyond.

Read more:

Thursday, December 14, 2017

CRINGE: Jake Tapper Interviews The Dumbest Roy Moore Spokesperson Ever

In a truly remarkable interview on Tuesday, CNN’s Jake Tapper spoke with Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore’s spokesman Ted Crockett in an interview that ended with a lengthy and uncomfortable silence about whether lawmakers have to swear an oath on the Christian Bible.

In this Majority Report clip, we watch Roy Moore spokesperson and Shelby County commissioner Ted Crockett appear on CNN with Jake Tapper to discuss swearing on the bible.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

‘I Think Bannon Made An Ass Of Himself’: Republicans Rejoice In Breitbart Chief’s Alabama Humiliation

Roy Moore lost the election on Tuesday night. But some Republicans were thrilled that the defeat left a stain on his main backer.

Roy Moore wasn’t the only loser Tuesday night. He might not have even been the biggest one.

The Alabama Republican’s stunning defeat at the hands of Democrat Doug Jones dealt a crushing blow to the nascent political operation helmed by former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon, who threw every ounce of his political muscle behind Moore’s candidacy, even as many national Republicans, save President Donald Trump, rushed to distance themselves following the emergence of sexual assault and child molestation allegations against Moore.

Bannon headlined rallies for Moore, enlisted allies in a political effort to boost his candidacy, and marshalled his website, Breitbart News, to Moore’s defense against those misconduct allegations—and in an effort to discredit the former state supreme court justice’s accusers—with at least one top Breitbart staffer spending the last month of the race in-state. And when it was all said and done, with Jones claiming triumph, the Bannon critics (and there are many) took the chance to dance on his grave.

“Bannon is like so many people that get involved in politics. They work on their first race, their person wins, and they think people voted for them,” said Stu Stevens, the former top strategist to Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign. As part of his closing argument supporting Moore’s campaign, Bannon had made bashing Romney a rhetorical centerpiece.

“I think Bannon made an ass of himself [tonight],” Stevens added. “Be wary of the angry millionaire.”

Whether the Breitbart chief is actually buried will be determined in the days and weeks ahead.

Bannon is not known to be easily humbled and a source close to him simply said that he and his associates were “stunned” by the results of the evening.

They were also busy figuring out the moves ahead, including laying the blame on establishment Republicans for ditching Moore in the midst of his scandals. Though Jones’ margin exceeded 1.5% of all votes cast with all precincts reporting, Moore refused to concede the race. The margin is far above the 0.5% threshold that triggers an automatic recount in Alabama, but secretary of state John Merrill said on Tuesday evening that any candidate can request a recount as long as the candidate himself pays for it.

The overwhelming likelihood that Jones would be seated could well spark a tectonic shift within the GOP, strategists said on Tuesday. They equated it to Scott Brown’s surprise Senate victory in Massachusetts in 2010, which proved to be a political turning point in a young Barack Obama administration.

As in that moment, Tuesday night’s ramifications for the current president could prove profound.

Dispensing with the concerns of some of his advisers and family members, Trump decided to forcefully boost Moore’s candidacy in the final weeks. He specifically touted it as a means of helping move forward his governing agenda, which now finds itself more in peril.

White House officials told The Daily Beast earlier on Tuesday that the president kept tabs on the race in his residence in the White House. When he finally weighed in just after 11 PM, Trump’s response was uncharacteristically muted.

“Congratulations to Doug Jones on a hard fought victory,” the president wrote on Twitter. “The write-in votes played a very big factor, but a win is a win. The people of Alabama are great, and the Republicans will have another shot at this seat in a very short period of time. It never ends!”

One senior Trump aide stressed early Tuesday that Trump would take a Jones upset “very, very” hard—not least, the aide said, because it would rob the president of the ability to goad his predecessor, Barack Obama, over getting involved on Jones’s behalf. (Obama didn’t touch the race until its final days, when he put out a robocall on behalf of the Democratic contender).

As much as he would have been a governing ally for the president, Moore was also an avatar for a distinctively Trump-era style of politics. Bannon in particular, considered Moore a leader of his crusade against the Republican establishment in Washington, and against Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) specifically. When Moore prevailed in a primary challenge to Sen. Luther Strange in September, Bannon allies were sure to point the finger directly at McConnell, who, they said, was so disliked in the state as to make his endorsement a poison pill.
McConnell allies were sure to reciprocate the sentiment in the wake of a massive upset that brought the Republican margin in the Senate down to just a single vote.

“Steve Bannon has done more for Democrats than they could’ve ever thought possible,” said Josh Holmes, McConnell’s former chief of staff. ”Bannon displayed an absolutely breathtaking display of political incompetence that will go down in the annals of history for every Republican to mourn for generations.”

Though McConnell allies squarely blamed Bannon for the loss, it was the Senate Leadership Fund, a McConnell-allied super PAC, that helped pave the way for Moore’s primary victory. The group spent significant sums hammering Rep. Mo Brooks, a conservative House member perceived as a likely threat to Strange’s incumbency. Moore, on the other hand, was seen as an easy target for Strange in a head-to-head primary runoff. But Moore prevailed, and his faults proved deadly in a general election.

SLF stayed out of the general election contest, and other prominent arms of the Republican political machine did the same. The National Republican Senatorial Committee, which withdrew from a joint fundraising pact with Moore in the wake of his sexual misconduct allegations, quickly—if perhaps fancifully—attempted to capitalize on that stance by immediately courting Jones’s vote once it became clear he’d prevail.

“Tonight’s results are clear—the people of Alabama deemed Roy Moore unfit to serve in the U.S. Senate,” said NRSC chairman Cory Gardner in a statement. “I hope Senator-elect Doug Jones will do the right thing and truly represent Alabama by choosing to vote with the Senate Republican Majority.”

Bannon and his anti-establishment allies, several of whom traveled to Alabama for what they expected would be a Tuesday night victory party, had been feeling incredibly optimistic about Moore’s chances right up until the race’s sudden shift, around 10 p.m. ET, in Jones’s direction.

"I'm feeling pretty good about it,” Corey Stewart, former chairman of the Trump campaign in Virginia and failed gubernatorial candidate, told The Daily Beast on Tuesday afternoon. Stewart said he would leave the Yellowhammer State on Wednesday.

“People can see through this attempt by Washington elites to try to pick the next senator from Alabama, and they don't like it,” he continued. “I’m talking about Mitch McConnell, and Condi Rice, and Cory Gardner. Naturally, people resent that.”

Still, Stewart felt there was something to worry about, even as he predicted Moore’s imminent triumph that never came.

“The reason I'm here is when the establishment is done with Roy Moore, they're going to try to crush me and any other anti-establishment, pro-Trump candidates for U.S. Senate and for Congress,” he said. “So I'm here for solidarity. They're gonna try to pick us off one by one, so we gotta stick together, man.”

If the messaging emerging out of the so-called Republican establishment on Tuesday night is any indication, Stewart has a point. Insurgent and Bannon-aligned forces in Trump’s GOP now find themselves playing defense in an ongoing civil conflict.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Trump Is So Dumb That His Own Economic Adviser Escaped A Call With Him By Faking A Bad Connection

In this ‘Dollemore Daily’ Jesse addresses the story told by Senator Tom Carper about when Gary Cohn hung up on a call with Donald Trump, after faking bad cell reception.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Televangelist Warns Viewers: Buy My Pancake Mix Or Face Eternal Damnation

Disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker told his audience recently that if they don’t buy his $60 pancake mix, they will likely be facing eternal damnation. His reasoning for this statement is quite impressive and it probably resulted in more than a few petrified conservatives calling in to order his latest scam products. Ring of Fire’s Farron Cousins discusses this.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Oh, So Now Steve Harvey Is Sorry For Cozying Up To Trump?

Black celebrities from Ben Vereen to Wilt Chamberlain have identified themselves with Republicans and survived. But this is different.

The latest ratings for Steve Harvey’s show are bad. He’s lost his audience, and he blames his meeting with then President-elect Donald Trump at Trump Tower on Jan. 13 as the cause of his plummeting ratings. Back then, Harvey had nothing but glowing praise for Trump and high hopes for Trump’s presidency.

“I walked away feeling like I had just talked with a man who genuinely wants to make a difference in this area. I feel that something really great could come out of this,” said Harvey of his meeting with Trump.

Harvey basked in the glory of meeting with a man who rose to prominence as a “birther” and elevated white supremacists to the highest levels of power. For months, Harvey defended his decision to meet with Trump and only now that it could potentially ruin his career he has seen the error in his ways. Harvey’s no longer a person worth listening to.

Frankly, Harvey had already stopped being funny back in June, after he told a man from Flint, Michigan, who called into his radio show to “enjoy your nice brown glass of water.”

Harvey gets it now. “Meeting with Donald Trump was the worst mistake of my life,” he recently said on his radio show. But he has a lot of work to do to win back black support.

Ben Carson was loved by black America when he was the brain surgeon from Johns Hopkins who wrote inspirational books for black children. But all of his credibility quickly evaporated once he started criticizing President Barack Obama. His clueless political statements, stunningly moronic presidential campaign, and friendship with Trump only further solidified his exile from and ridicule within the black community. Carson seems uninterested in making amends and working to earn back the support he once had. He’s chosen a new team.

Harvey and Carson deserve their ostracism. But not everyone does. In recent years, the most dramatic and controversial shunning a black celebrity has received from the black community is also the most tragic and unjust.

When Buck Dancing Kills Your Ratings: Steve Harvey Is Now Having Coon Regrets

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Another Tuesday Night Loser: The Overrated Steve Bannon

After Ed Gillespie lost, the shaggy alt-righter and his followers immediately denounced him as ‘establishment.’ Yeah, right. And if Gillespie had won, running the same campaign...

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Trump Reportedly Had A Meltdown In Anticipation Of Indictments In The Russian Probe

The first indictment from Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation into Russia's role in the 2016 presidential election was made on Monday. As the probe intensifies, Donald Trump continues to downplay the criminal charges, insist there was no collusion between his campaign and Moscow and trying to redirect attention to Hillary Clinton's emails.

3 Key Trump Campaign Officials Arrested - Donald Trump Defends Via Tweets!

In this ‘Dollemore Daily’ Jesse addresses the first round of indictments as a result of Robert Mueller's investigation of Donald Trump and his residential campaign.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Ivanka Trump Says American Workers Are The “Best”, Still Has Her Products Made Overseas

During an interview on Fox News, Ivanka Trump claimed that both her and her father believe that American workers are the absolute “best” in the world.

If that’s the case, why do both Ivanka and Donald have the products for their clothing lines made overseas?

It has nothing to do with tax codes, as Ivanka claims, and has everything to do with paying slave wages to workers. Ring of Fire’s Farron Cousins discusses this.

Impeachment Ad Triggers Fox News Fans

Fox & Friends viewers were livid over an ad that ran during the show. Cenk Uygur, John Iadarola, Francesca Fiorentini, and Judah Friedlander, the hosts of The Young Turks, show you the impeachment ad.

"Billionaire Democratic mega-donor Tom Steyer is spending over $10 million to run a national advertisement calling for Trump's impeachment. Steyer made his fortune as a hedge fund manager. In 2016, he spent $65 million supporting Democrats and environmental causes, including Martin O'Malley.

Steyer is considering challenging Democratic Sen. Dianne Feinstein in California, he's also mulling a 2020 presidential run.

In the ad, Steyer calls Trump "a clear and present danger" who is "mentally unstable" and armed with nuclear weapons. Friday morning Trump attacked Steyer on Twitter calling him "wacky and totally unhinged."

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

This Amazing Pic Of Trump And Mitch McConnell Having Russian Flags Thrown At Them Is Priceless

By Jason Easley

A picture captures the precise moment when Trump and Mitch McConnell had Russian flags thrown at them as they arrived for the Republican Senate lunch.

A picture captures the precise moment when Trump and Mitch McConnell had Russian flags thrown at them as they arrived for the Republican Senate lunch.

The picture was taken by Roll Call photographer Bill Clark.

Pictures are capable of capturing the mood of a nation better than words ever could. This is one of those moments as a smiling Mitch McConnell, and thumbs up Trump are reminded of what they did to win an election as Russian flags fly toward them.

McConnell has been one of the cover-up artists for Trump in the Russia campaign. Going back to the 2016 campaign, McConnell refused to work with President Obama and issue a joint statement condemning Russian interference in the presidential election.

McConnell also allowed Russia to attack the election by expressing skepticism about the intelligence that Russia was interfering in the US presidential election.

Mitch McConnell is still working hard to cover-up Trump's crimes.

Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words, or in this case, one stolen presidential election.

Monday, October 23, 2017

John McCain Brutally Mocks Trump For Being A Draft Dodging Coward


Sen. McCain (R-AZ) said, “One aspect of the conflict by the way that I will never ever countenance is that we drafted the lowest income level of America and the highest income level found a doctor that would say that they had a bone spur. That is wrong. That is wrong. If we are going to ask every American to serve, every American should serve.”

Donald Trump has been insulting and threatening Sen. McCain even after his brain cancer diagnosis, but McCain has been through way worse than anything Trump can dish out on Twitter. Sen. McCain was right on one critical point. Trump is a man who wrapped himself in the flag but used his family’s wealth to avoid serving his country. A resident who is under federal investigation for collaborating with a hostile foreign power to undermine democracy and win a presidential election is no patriot.

The prognosis may not be good for John McCain, but if he is in the final act of his life, he is using it to defend his country against the threat that is Donald Trump.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Andy Borowitz: The End of Trump | The New Yorker

New Yorker contributor Andy Borowitz discusses Nazis, Donald Trump and impeachment, and starting his own movement, élitism.

Trump Says The “Piss Tape” Dossier Is A Conspiracy Funded By The FBI, Democrats, And Russia

Donald Trump is not happy about the resurgence of the “piss tape dossier” that claimed that Trump paid prostitutes to piss on him in a Russian hotel.

While there were far more explosive claims in the report, the “Golden Shower” claim has gained the most attention due to the overall creepiness of that assertion.

But Trump is fighting back, and he now says that this entire dossier was the result of the FBI, the Democratic Party, and Russia coming together to smear him. Ring of Fire’s Farron Cousins discusses this.