Showing posts with label Funny Shit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Shit. Show all posts

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Trump Voters Were Wrong, So Fuck Their Opinions

Posted by Rude One

In just six short months, it's become absolutely clear: Everyone who didn't vote for Donald Trump was right and everyone who voted for him was wrong. Yeah, yeah, they weren't wrong in that Trump won the election, just as someone isn't wrong for supporting a shitty baseball team. But it's incredibly clear now that the poor suckers and greedy fuckers who wanted to nuzzle up to Trump's man-teats for a suckle were wrong on just about every account regarding who he is and what he'd do.

They were wrong that he's a man of his word, they were wrong that he would look out for working people, they were wrong that he would make the nation respected "again" (as if it wasn't before), they were wrong that he wouldn't have scandals, and they were just wrong about him being a human being worthy of the office. They were wrong and we who voted against him (and I'm tossing anyone who voted for Hillary Clinton, Jill Stein, Gary Johnson, and Deez Nutz into the category of "voted against him") were right.

Trump voters fucked the goat, and so everything they say should be framed within the fact that they are goatfuckers. "Oh, you have an opinion on health care? Sorry, you fucked a goat. I don't give a shit about your goat-fucking opinion," we should think. But that's not what we do. We don't shun the goatfuckers, no matter how savagely they fucked that goat. We see that most clearly by the fact that the news networks and other media outlets still entertain the opinions of people who supported the Iraq war and never said they were wrong about it. Goatfuckers get away with it.

So we're treated on an almost daily basis to articles and stories about Trump voters and what they think about some issue and whether or not Trump's evil, batshit incompetence is enough for them to bail on the Orange King. Every single one of these stories is the same: Here are some assholes who voted for Trump. Let's treat them with reverence, as if they have hard-won wisdom because they shovel shit or work at Wal-Mart. Let's tell them about all the fuckery that Donald Trump has been up to and see what they think. Oh, look, they don't give a shit because he still hates the Mooslems and Messicans. And what might change their minds about Trumpochet? "I don’t know what he would have to do...I guess maybe kill someone. Just in cold blood."

That's an actual quote from an actual person in a Tennesseean article on Wayne County, Tennessee, an almost entirely white rural area with less people than my neighborhood. The thrust of the piece is that Trump voters couldn't give a happy monkey fuck about the Russia scandal. In fact, they think Trump is being maligned and Don Jr. is awesome. This is the newest wrinkle in the genre: What do stupid people think about something they don't understand at all? In the last week, Vox has done a story on Michigan Trump voters, who don't think the Russian connections are any big deal. The BBC sent a reporter to the Nebraska State Fair to get some American color (yes, ironic, I know) and some video of deluded shit heels sharing their delusions.

As Newsweek's Alexander Nazaryn wrote, "The real story here is how thoroughly Trump supporters have been deceived, both by Trump and tireless boot-lickers like Hannity and Jones. Every quote from an Ohioan who declares the Russia investigation is irrelevant is a testament to the delusive brand of Republicanism that now reigns supreme." Joshua Green said much the same in the New York Times.

Each of the Trump voter pieces generally has a token interview with someone who doesn't support Trump. But they are presented as curiosities, the two-headed cow that shouldn't exist but somehow does. But the reality is, obviously, people who think Trump is full of shit vastly outnumber the aforementioned suckers and fuckers who stand by their man. How about interviewing some of us? How about asking us, "How did you know?" And we can say, "Anyone with a fuckin' brain knew." Ask us, "What do you think about the Russia dealie?" And we can say, "Either we do something about it or we're fucked."

Hell, you don't even have to stick to the cities, where the majority of the country lives. Since you've got a rural jones, you can head to Bolivar, Tennessee, a town in the ass-crack of nowhere, near to the Alabama border, as Deep South as you can get. They went for Hillary Clinton, as did nearby Whiteville. Of course, those are majority African American towns, so you'd have to change the whole goddamned narrative away from the mighty white working class.

Or, here's an idea, why not go to the communities that went for Trump and find the people who didn't. Talk to them. See if they're feeling smug or sad or angry. See what their ideas are for getting us out of this or through this goddamn bullshit time. Find out how they're feeling about Trump's relationship with Russia. Ask them because they, like the majority of the country, were right.

Let's spend a little time and energy, dear, sweet reporters, on people who aren't barking mad or madly barking.

(Note: If you didn't vote at all, go suck a donkey's dick.)

(Note: If you wanna write to me about "goatfucker shaming," I hate you already. Same for "donkey-dick sucker shaming." Some things are just fucking shameful. Sucking a donkey's dick, fucking a goat, and voting for Donald Trump, for examples.)

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Trump's 'Made In America Week' Backfires BIGLY

Twitter had a field day with this one. Cenk Uygur, host of The Young Turks, breaks it down.


"President Donald Trump is set to declare this week “Made In America” week to help promote products manufactured in the United States, according to The Hill.

But he’s already coming under fire for the move, given that Trump-branded products are often manufactured overseas.

Many of Trump’s clothing items have been made in Mexico and China. During the campaign last year, his use of steel and aluminum from China became a campaign issue.

And just last week, The Washington Post reported on the fashion line of first daughter and White House aide Ivanka Trump, finding that much of it is made by low-wage workers in countries such as Bangladesh, Indonesia and China.

White House spokeswoman Helen Aguirre Ferre was asked on Sunday if the president would use “Made in America” week to push his daughter to make those products in the United States.”*

Read more here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-made-in-america_us_596c391ce4b03389bb1878e1

The Republican Party Is Hilariously Incompetent

With the recent collapse of their healthcare bill in the Senate, the Republican Party has shown us that they are incapable of leading this country.  Obviously, the death of their healthcare bill is a good thing, but you have to wonder how these people can control so much of this country without any clue how to lead. Ring of Fire’s Farron Cousins discusses this.



Link – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-republican-party-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place_us_596c2c1be4b09e26b6d7693b?section=us_politics

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Hypocrisy And The Name Trump Go Hand In Hand

Being a HYPOCRITE is just part of being a TRUMP. How is that fight against cyber-bullying coming Melania? Or what about women's rights Ivanka? Hosted by Francis Maxwell. See more TYT Facebook Originals at http://fb.com/theyoungturks/videos

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

The Donald's family!

Sung to the tune of The Addams Family Theme Song



They´re creepy and they´re kooky, Nefarious and spooky, They´re altogether ooky, The Donald´s family!

They're creepy and their spooky, criminal and full of hooey, they're altogether pukey, The Donald's Family

Colluding with the Kremlin, They wanted dirt on Clinton, They all belong in prison, The Donald's Family

Source

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Jimmy Kimmel Completely Dismantles Kellyanne Conway On Late Night Show

Jimmy Kimmel took White House counselor Kellyanne Conway to task on his Monday night show for her constant refusal to actually address the questions that the media asks her. 

According to the New York Times Donald Trump Jr., his brother in law Jared Kushner and Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort met with a Russian lawyer to hear what they thought would be information that could hurt Hillary Clinton.

It’s all very fishy, so we invited White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway live via satellite to clear it all up.

Anderson Cooper Can't Contain His Laughter When Jason Miller Defends Trump


‘She’d defend a steaming pile of shit’ Internet lambasts Kellyanne Conway for trying to rescue Trump Jr.

By

 

Kellyanne Conway doesn’t seem to be having a good day on the Monday morning talk shows. At least, that’s what the Internet thinks after a grueling conversation between Conway and CNN’s Chris Cuomo.

Conway alleged that the “New Day” co-host was attempting to go viral, but it was Conway that lit up the Internet with commentary.

The interviews caught her in a series of awkward pivots and obvious hypocrisy, namely that she mentioned a report about former FBI director James Comey that cited anonymous sources. Trump and his White House has notoriously criticized the media for using anonymous sources.

Twitter users weren’t having any of it. They attacked Conway for both interviews and heralded Cuomo’s dogged attempts to get Conway to understand Donald Trump Jr. accepting a meeting with a Russian lawyer is an admission of guilt.

See the best responses below:

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Got fed up. Wrote to NBC's Phil Griffin and Andy Lack about MSNBC grotesqueries

By calimary

Let me know what you think. Address included at the top here, in case you want to use it for your own letter.

Phil Griffin
NBCUniversal
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

Dear Mr. Griffin –

Longtime loyal MSNBC viewer here. Demographically: female, white, 64, college grad, wife/mother, news/politics junkie, retired news anchor/reporter, lifelong liberal Democrat, and I vote! Honored to be a member of your loyal viewership that’s lifted MSNBC to #1 in cable news in prime time, thanks to two true gems - Maddow and O’Donnell!

First: THANK YOU for relieving us of Greta Van Susteren. I wrote you months ago to point out that such a signature Fox News name DOES NOT BELONG on a network like MSNBC. Her ratings failure proved my point. PLEASE understand your audience better. We’re home at MSNBC precisely BECAUSE it does not feature programming or on-air talent like what you’d find at Fox News. If we wanted that presentation, we’d already be watching over there.

2) WHY did you force Megyn Kelly on NBC? The ratings already prove that’s another fail. She reads ice-cold on camera. She does not, and will not, appeal at any network whose audience isn’t predominately male, old, white, conservative, and horny. Move her over to MSNBC at your peril. There are far better and smarter ways to spend $17+ million/year.

3) WHY is the #1 BEST interviewer in cable news being squandered on weekend mornings? Joy Reid deserves and has earned massively better exposure, like a Monday-through-Friday show.

4) WHY do Ali Velshi and Stephanie Ruhle deserve so much Monday-through-Friday exposure? There are THREE shows between those two people alone. You really don’t have any other available talent? Are you planning to change the name of MSNBC into the Velshi/Ruhle network?

5) WHY is MSNBC being turned into a whites-only club? You gave up a Tamron Hall for the Alpha blonde from Fox News??? While the excellent Craig Melvin is reduced to a mere fill-in, and the brilliant Joy Reid languishes on the weekends?

6) WHY would you even consider the smug, arrogant, and obnoxious Hugh Hewitt for ANY exposure on MSNBC??? WHY does ANY conservative merit a show on MSNBC in the first place??? Do you just have a thing for a bad fit? Do you buy your suits that way?

I represent your largest and most loyal constituency. WHY do you make programming choices like you have? Unless you’re a mole for CNN (or worse, Fox)?

PLEASE consider the constituency you have, which is THE reason why MSNBC now reigns in cable news. If you continue to alienate us with your bad hires and programming decisions, you can count on legions of us finding new homes for our loyalty.

I was right about Greta. I’m right about this, too.

Signed, and CC'd to Andrew Lack

Monday, June 26, 2017

Screw You

By rpannier

Yes, SCREW YOU! F@CK YOU! And EVERYTHING ELSE YOU
I swear the next sob story I hear about some jackass who voted for il douchebag whining and crying about how they feel betrayed by the Clown Prince of Idiocracy I'm going find them and hurl a bushel full of rotted apples at their stupid, whining, jerk face.

I have no sympathy, NONE, for the vast majority of the denizens of the political wasteland who want us to feel their pain because their fucking job went to Canada, or Mexico, or China, or was just fucking closed so some vulture capitalist pig whom you admire so much for their grit and monetary know-how can buy that new ivory covered back scratcher (my obligatory Simpsonism)

Guess what, oh Servant of the Lord of the Dung, you got took and I don't give a damn.

You voted not just for the Grifter-in-Chief, but then you turned around and voted for his Merry Band of Criminals. Yeah! I'm looking at YOU Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida. You who re-elected the odious Republikkan senator from your state for some reason that only someone with several advanced degrees in Behavioral Science focusing specifically on the Stupid, the Lame, the Ignorant, the Bat Shit Moron could possibly hope to comprehend.

Screw you, oh Joe Six-Pack and Sally Housecoat (Another Simpsonism) who are getting on TV and singing your sad tale of how Carrier is really, actually sending the jobs you held elsewhere... and YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. I mean, "HE TOLD US THOSE JOBS WERE SAVED!"
So some (probably most) of you vague-witted harlequins happily tossed away your vote on a man whose whole history has been one of, and get this, 'NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT ANYONE BUT HIMSELF!' A simple ixquick (shameless plug), google or whatever search engine you use, would have shown you this.
But, Nooooooooooooo!!! Now, we're treated to seeing a half dozen of you Swamp Creature rejects on TV telling us how betrayed you feel. The funny part is... You really look surprised.
Weeeeeeeeellllllllll... screw you! Screw the person who was standing to your left and to your right. Screw everyone who worked at Carrier who voted for Trump.
My sympathies lie with those of you who didn't vote for the Swinish Lout that presently claims the title of President.
They deserve our sympathies.
But here's the thing, you won't see them on TV all glazy eyed, drooling, shaking their heads, saying, "I...I just don't get it."
That's probably why they don't get interviewed. They ought to send a reporter to your town and do a segment on every Carrier employee who voted Clinton beating the shit out of the Trump voters with padded clubs.
But that would be too violent... maybe. And, if it were me who had lost my job and they gave me a club, it'd take 15 people to pull me away from you nit-witted trolls.

Moving on to another location in the Midwest, but still smack-dab in the heart of Doofania (Phineas and Ferb), Fox6 and Money reports that GE is closing their plant in Waukesha and move its 300-plus jobs to Canada.
And yes... Yes... YEs... YES, the addlepated dwellers of Swale of Stupid are SHOCKED! DISAPPOINTED! and SADDENED! this is happening.
I'm sure the DUH-nizens are all of those things and more.
Maybe... and just maybe now... YOU SHOULD HAVE F@CKING THOUGHT OF THAT WHEN YOU NOT ONLY VOTED FOR THE ORANGE SWINE, BUT ALSO VOTED TO RE-ELECT JOHNSON TO THE SENATE AND RYAN TO CONGRESS.
By a hefty margin of over 2:1 You Butt-Clowns voted for the poor man's Mussolini. By over 2:1 you voted for the reject from the Movie Leprechaun Paul Ryan (rejected because he was too sociopathic for the part).

You want a good laugh. It's pathetic, but I laughed.
“Doesn’t he realize that we voted for him? He should have been there and saw my wife crying. He should have been there,” Kenneth Olsen said (of Ryan).
Poor... poor Kenneth Olsen. You voted for Truquemada and IT and now you and your wife (who also likely voted for them) has a sad.
And why should Ryan show up? Do you have a hefty campaign donation for him. Or, do you just want to sit there while he laughs at your stupidity?
SCREW YOU!
Screw Bret Mattice, who voted for the first time...EVER! And guess for whom the dimbulb voted? If you guessed the least qualified person on the ballot, any ballot, in any country, at any time in history, you'd be correct.
Do us all a favor Bret Mattice, don't ever vote again... please
Oh... and screw you!

Then there's this primary school refuse, Joe Barlow. In an interview, supporter of the Annoying Orange reject, Joe Barlow, said this....
Note... pay careful attention to your jaw. It may drop so hard and so fast you could hurt yourself. My suggestion is to tie it off like Jacob Marley in a Christmas Carol
“I don’t believe there’s hope for our plant. My hope is, companies like that, that offshore all the work, I hope he follows through on his 35% tax and punishes those businesses,”
You see that? "I hope he follows through on his 35%...blah." Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! He hopes Trump follows through on a campaign promise.
Screw You Joe. You and your Trumpists screwed over your fellow employees, the one's who didn't vote for the squalid-one. The one's who didn't just say, "How fucking stupid a vote can I cast? Hmmmmm. I know. I'll vote for all three. Because what could possibly go wrong?"

Here's the difference between you People Under the Stairs and say, some out of work guy, who is surfing through garbage dumps hoping to find enough scrap metal that he can sell to survive. I can almost understand them. They had nothing to lose. But... you... you F@CKERS had good paying jobs. At the time, your plant in Wisconsin was NOT... I repeat NOT in danger of closing. In fact, it was his election and the inane rantings of the Evil Elf about the Import-Export Bank that got it closed and moved on to Canada.
You had money! You had a House! You had something! You pittered it away for some unknown reason.
Write a book titled. "How NOT to be a squirrel brained jack-ass!"
Tell us what you were thinking, so we know what NOT to do

To my niece in Minnesota (still in the Midwest) who voted for Trump, for one reason and ONE REASON ONLY.... (dum... er... drum roll. I'm sure you already know the answer) "I did it for the babies."
Yes! Yes! Yes, ladies and gentlemen... Abortion! Abortion was the reason why she voted for the Fake Tanned Ogre! Abortion!
Now... now... she's all concerned because his policies could hurt the children. You know... the boys and girls that are NOT little growing pieces of tissue, that if removed from the womb would die within a few hours. Actual living, breathing HUMAN BEINGS.
SCREW YOU! Screw you and Your fucking Abortion fixation

Slogging back to Indiana and a revisit to dimwit Helen Beristain and her undocumented husband.
Ms. Helen Beristain actually thought her husband would not get deported.
Laugh along with me folks. She's as jaw dropping stupid as the guys in Wisconsin.

Ms. Helen Beristain somehow believed her husband would not be deported because only the 'Bad Hombres' would go. She said (before her husband was shipped off to Mexico) "I don't think ICE is out there to detain anyone and break families, no,"
She was, of course, shocked that her husband was kicked out.
How does she feel now? Don't know. According to CNN, she won't answer calls from any news sources.
Screw You Ms Helen Beristain. And screw Granger, Indiana... the very Republican Town of Granger, Indiana. The shocked citizenry of the town who thought Roberto would not be sent back because he was a good person, 'A Good Hombre'. Screw You

I could go on. There are so many of these stories. The dumb twerp in Florida who was afraid of losing his insurance, but felt it would be best to vote for the groper because he was certain it would be best for the whole country to do so, even if it hurt him.
Good job, Buttercup! You lost out. And... here's the part you somehow missed... They're SCREWING everyone over.
Oh.. unless you're a millionaire.

The oxygen thieves, the simpletons who voted for his Assness, or at the very least, wouldn't vote for Clinton because somehow... someway... there was 'NO ACTUAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO.'
HYSTERICAL isn't it? Because if she were president right now, Gorsuch, or someone worse would be on the Court... I guess. Oh... and we'd be looking at selling off National Park Land. And of course, we'd have a President beholden to the closest thing to a real-life Ernst Stavro Blofeld, in Putin. And, of course, she'd have insulted half the leaders of our allies by whining about electoral votes and actual votes and her inauguration attendance and some other rubbish. And lied about taping conversations in the White House (or did trump lie?)
Screw You! Screw You! Screw You!

(And for the sake of transparency; 1. I voted for Sanders in the primary. 2. I did belong to the Clinton Group on DU. 3 I belonged to every Democratic President Group for 2016 on DU. 4. I voted for Clinton in the GE. Just in case you're thinking, "I wonder who rpannier voted for?")

Or the countless stupid people across the country, male and female, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, African American, western Asian, Protestants, Jews, Catholics, Muslims (yeah, I'm perplexed by that as well) who, for some inexplicable reason got up out of bed and said to themselves, "I'm going to do the FUCKING STUPIDEST THING I WILL EVER do in my entire lifetime."
They somehow found a polling station and voted for that thing that sits in the White House, in a bathrobe, screaming at a television set and finding new and different ways to enrich his family and friends, while screwing over everyone else.

Well... Screw You (he says calmly). You're an idiot. I cannot fix this problem. Most of my family cannot fix this problem. Many of my friends cannot. They got out and voted. They didn't vote for the orange-faced fake-haired charlatan.

****************
I am finished. I have said my piece. I am still not at piece with the low wattage loser in the WH.
And... one last thought....
Screw You if You voted for Trump

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Trump's Bizarre Kiss Ass Cabinet Meeting

Donald Trump opened a cabinet meeting by inviting the media in to hear the important business of the country.

What did the country hear?

First, Trump took time to praise himself, saying that “nobody would have believed” how many jobs were created in the last seven months … which was less than the jobs created in the previous seven months.

And that the papers were full of “big stories” about new mines opening.

There was also a self-celebration of Trump’s great achievements as a signer of legislation. Which are the greatest. The most ever.

It may be hard to think of a single piece of substantive legislation that bears Trump’s scrawl, but that’s because you’re not thinking hard enough. Besides, every tweet now counts as legislation.

What’s passing that Lilly Ledbetter Act next to calling Comey a coward from the toasty comfort of your bed?

 Once Trump got tired of hearing himself explain how great he was, it was time to share the duty with others. That big smacking sound was each Trump appointee taking his or her turn at telling Trump what a wonderful man he is, how right he is about everything, and how much everyone loves him.



Full story: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2017/6/12/1671049/-Donald-Trump-turns-a-cabinet-meeting-into-a-butt-kissing-ritual

Monday, May 29, 2017

‘Tiny hand clenched on top’: Internet hilariously mocks Trump for plagiarizing his family coat of arms

                
News broke Monday that President Donald Trump appears to have plagiarized his family coat of arms that appears outside of the Trump National Golf Club outside of Washington. This weekend the Senior PGA Championship was hosted at the golf club and the “Trump family coat of arms” was featured on signs all over.

The actual emblem features three lions and two chevrons on a shield with a gloved hand gripping an arrow or spear, The New York Times reported. The coat of arms was originally granted by British authorities in 1939 to Joseph Edward Davies. He was the third husband of Marjorie Merriweather Post, the man who built the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida. Ironically, he once served as the ambassador to the former Soviet Union.

The Trump Organization staged a hostile takeover of the coat of arms and replaced the Latin word for “integrity” with “Trump.”

Davies grandson Joseph D. Tydings, a former U.S. state senator from Maryland, admitted there are members of his family who are ready to sue Trump, but he cautioned against it. Tydings once worked for a large firm that managed Trump. He told his family that the suit would end up costing generations after them money.

“This is the first I’ve ever heard about it being used anywhere else,” Tydings said of the coat of arms placement at the northern resort.

When Trump tried to bring the American version to Scotland for his new development the authorities refused to allow the usage.

The Internet was not necessarily surprised by Trump stealing the coat of arms. Instead of encouraging the lawsuit, the Internet sought mockery instead: