A Millennial Takes On Trump, His Voters, And Whatever The Hell That Arizona Thing Was

Posted by R. Sharp

Yeah, I could rant about how the media and its loyal zombie followers (I’m looking at you, Fox) are dividing us up. I could go on and on about those deplorable Nazi-wannabes we saw in Charlottesville. But I feel I would just be adding fuel to the gigantic flaming shit storm that is America in 2017. No, I’m focusing on the ugly head of the Republican monster that’s been butt fucking us for the past 26 months (since it announced it was running). The creature is most recently responsible for giving those same hateful ideologies national attention.

On Tuesday night, the creature slithered on stage at the Phoenix Convention Center. It puffed its saggy orange chest out and smiled, knowing that the hordes of brainless morons were packed inside to see it perform. It lifted one of its tiny claws off the podium, opened its mouth, and began to spew bile all over the crowd. The loyal followers soaked up the bile and cheered the creature on. “I want more!” cried an old man with a red hat. “Soak me in your juices!” yelled the obese woman next to him. The creature gave them what they wanted. For 77 minutes, it threw up uncontrollably while the crowd licked the puke off the floor.

This horrific display of ignorance is what we’ve come to accept from the creature that calls itself resident and rhymes with "dump." This is just another distraction that this administration is creating. They’re putting up roadblock after roadblock trying to deter us from distinguishing reality from fiction. Even the kind and reasonable among us can get sidetracked. Whether it’s breaking news, an angry tirade, or a tweet, Americans are cruelly inundated with the media’s coverage of this administration. We find ourselves being enraged at one thing, and then the next day comes and something else happens. We haven’t even gotten over what happened in the first place, because we're pissed about something new. These distractions are building up, creating a seemingly impenetrable layer of bullshit.

One core issue here is the creature’s ties to Russia. Robert Mueller’s special counsel is reportedly making progress, like when they raided former campaign manager and walking cadaver Paul Manafort’s home. Unfortunately, all the distractions created by the orange creature drown out any minimal good news. The attacks on the media the creature keeps shouting are focused on the wrong thing. The mainstream media concentrates on the bullshit show at the White House to the exclusion of so much else going on because they know it will bring up ratings. You wanna say how the media is bad? That's how it's bad right now.

Which gets us back to Mueller. Even though it’s fake news, The New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz made me laugh with his piece titled, “Millions Willing to Work for Mueller for Free If That Would Speed Things Up.” But it gives me an idea for an offer:

Mr. Mueller, I’ve been looking for a fall internship and I have a psychotic obsession with ending this grotesque creature’s administration. My legal skills are nonexistent, but I can write one hell of an email. I’ll even clean up your office. Please, let me send you my resume. I’ll do anything to help hurry things up and end this clusterfuck of a residency.