Posted by
Rude One
Whenever some dingleberry of seeming bias against
resident Donald Trump
is sharted out by his state media on Fox "news," the
resident and his
supporters will crow that he is "vindicated" of one thing or other,
usually that his campaign conspired with the Russian government to steal
the 2016 election. Someone on some goddamn website or Twitter account
finds some utterly minor thing that, blown up with graphics and set to
sinister music, can be made to seem like the Deep
State
run by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama is just setting up poor,
innocent, pure, God-chosen Donald Trump in order to frame him for some
crime he wouldn't ever even contemplate committing.
They did it with the Uranium One bullshit,
declaring
that "the real Russia scandal." They did it with the Nunes memo, which
just showed that the FBI follows leads. They accuse Republicans Robert
Mueller and James Comey of bias, which seems to mean, "If you want to
investigate whether Donald Trump and people around him might have
committed crimes." And they're doing it with the text messages of a
couple of FBI agents now, with the latest supposedly
implicating President Obama (spoiler: it doesn't and you're stupid if you think it does).
But here's the deal: Not one of these things clears Trump or his awful
family or his merry band of plague rats and rabid dogs that we are
forced to call "the White House."
Let's lay it all out as clearly as possible once again (because this is shit I've talked about
before).
- Hillary Clinton could have totally given away 20% of the U.S. uranium
deposits to the Russians in order to secure donations to her family's
charity (honestly, just writing that seems so patently absurd, it hurts
my brain a little). Sure, she would have had to have bribed or
threatened the dozens of other people involved in any decision about
uranium, but, shit, she's Hillary Clinton, allegedly the stone cold
murderer of dozens of political enemies, so, sure, yeah, let's say this
could totally happen.
- The FBI could have totally lied about the Democratic Party's
involvement in the Steele dossier, as the Nunes memo asserts (even
though, factually, the FBI
didn't
lie, but we're saying if horseshit were gold here), in order to
continue surveillance of Carter Page, which they had started in 2013,
but, obviously, they totally knew that he would be named by Trump as one
of his foreign policy advisers and just got a jump on it.
- James Comey could have totally been compromised into not charging
Hillary Clinton with a crime on the emails, which somehow translates
into something something no collusion Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch in
the parlor with a candlestick. (I really don't understand the "fuck
evidence and punch reality in the dick" mindset.)
- Agents Peter Strzok and Lisa Page could have been totally biased
against Trump and their texts about what an asshole he is indicate that
they had preconceived notions about whatever part of the investigation
they worked on. And there could totally be a secret society of FBI
agents meeting in some off-site coven to do some hoodoo to Trump. And
today's big revelation, that Page had
texted
in September 2016, "potus wants to know everything we’re doing," could
totally mean Obama wanted to interfere with the Hillary email
investigation and not that he wanted to know if the United States was
being cyber-attacked by Russia, which is definitely what it was, but,
you know, Hillary using a private email server is worse than Watergate
times Teapot Dome times Iran-Contra, motherfuckers.
Goddamn, you people are fucking nuts.
And, you know, the only way that any of these conspiracies make sense as
being real is if there is a massive uber-conspiracy involving everyone
from grunt-level agents to the former president of the United States to
discredit Trump and his administration, and, even then, it would have
had to start 5 years ago.
Of course, all Trump needs for all this to work is a few craven
Republicans, like Devin Nunes and Ron "Secret Sauce" Johnson, to run
interference, as well as media outlets permanently attached to his
poisonous man-teats. The idiot hordes will gobble it up like Jesus jizz.
Yet, if every single one of those conspiracies were true, it still does
nothing to prove that Trump isn't a money-launderer who is in the back
pocket of Vladimir Putin and other rich as fuck Russians, it does nothing
to prove that Russia didn't use a bunch of different
methods
to tilt the election to Trump, and it also does nothing to change the
outcome of the 2016 presidential race (the excuse that Trump and his
spokeslackeys use as the reason why Democrats care about a foreign
government fucking with our electoral process or that Trump may be
compromised, not that they might actually give a shit that our
sovereignty might have been breached).
If Donald Trump were innocent, you wouldn't need a single one of the
crazy conspiracies to explain it all away. You'd have the truth. But
truth is now just a ragged angel whose wings have been perforated by the
birdshot of unending lies.