If Rand Paul Fucks Up One More Day This Week, He Wins A New Car!

By Gary Legum

Senator Dr. Rand Paul has fucked up in so many ways since kicking off his presidential campaign on Tuesday that we are probably going to be able to write a daily “How Is Rand Paul Fucking Up Today?” feature for this here Wonkette for the next year.

We’re really looking forward to documenting all the ways Paul will fuck up between now and the day next February when he suspends his campaign after finishing ninth in Iowa behind Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Zombie Orval Faubus, and a placemat from a Council Bluffs Denny’s.

Anyway, how has Rand Paul fucked up today, on day three of his galactic fuck-up of a campaign?

• A spot on the Senate Homeland Security Committee is a plum assignment, one that a presidential candidate could really use to burnish his national security credentials during a time when, Republicans keep reminding us, President Golf Bag’s own fuck-ups have made the world such a dangerous place. This could especially be a good spot for a candidate who keeps screaming “BENGHAAAZI!!1!” at Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton. The Republican base loves a person who will scream “BENGHAAAZI!!1!” at Clinton until he is hoarse. So why has Rand Paul skipped 68 of 73 Homeland Security Committee meetings in the last 15 months? An anonymous aide tells BuzzFeed:
  

  In that same timeframe, he has made more than 98 percent of the votes in the Senate and authored more than 50 bills and amendments, all the while maintaining a full schedule of meetings with Kentuckians in his office. When schedules conflict, he has chosen to spend his time hearing the thoughts of Kentuckians.

  Come on, guys. Have you seen that magnificent mop top of Rand Paul’s? Just admit he has to spend a lot of time in the Senate barbershop getting that perm spiffy and the hair curled just so, and all that follicle maintenance takes time away from Homeland Security meetings. We understand he has priorities.
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• BuzzFeed also reports the Paul campaign is threatening to sue TV stations that run a commercial made by a Republican group attacking the candidate for not being fully on board with bombing Iran into a rubble-strewn wasteland. The commercial actually uses Paul’s own quotes, and we know how candidates feel about opponents quoting the words that they said with their mouth holes against them. (Hint: They do not care for it!) We don’t think this tactic is going to make the senator look like less of a dick, but he has won exactly one more Senate campaign than we have, so what do we know.

• Some footage in the video Paul showed at his kick-off on Tuesday may have violated rules against Senate members using official government resources for a campaign. At issue is a brief clip of the senator during his 13-hour “filibuster” two years ago over John Brennan’s appointment to head the CIA. According to Time:
  

  “The use of any tape duplication of radio or television coverage of the proceedings of the Senate for political campaign purposes is strictly prohibited,” the Senate Manual states.

  There is no word yet on whether Senate Democrats will lodge an official complaint with the chamber’s Rules Committee or just note this fuck-up and then let the Paul campaign flounder around whining about it.
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• Paul has made history – dubious who-gives-a-shit history, but apparently history nonetheless – by becoming the first presidential candidate to accept campaign donations in Bitcoin through his website. As the New York Times points out, this does raise some questions about whether some tech-savvy contributors could use the relative anonymity of Bitcoin to get around donation limits.The campaign has limited online Bitcoin donations to $100, but as one election law expert points out, the currency is essentially untraceable. Could motivated dudebros get around this limit through straw donors and multiple accounts? The Times seems split on the issue. In any case, Bitcoin is still new enough that the amount Paul is likely to collect is probably pretty small. This only becomes a major fuck-up if anyone decides to care.

• Following up on that fuck-up from Wednesday when Paul gave his prickly interview with Savannah Guthrie, the ladies on Fox’s “Outnumbered” today went on the air to say that … the senator is the one who looked bad in the exchange? Hang on, we’re going to slap our face a few times and re-watch the video. Okay, yes! 
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• We can confirm (EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!) that Rand Paul was such a dick to Guthrie that even Andrea Tantaros noticed. Even Andrea Tantaros thinks the senator needs to work on his temperament, particularly with women reporters. It’s bad optics, which as Yr Doktor Zoom points out, is an area that one would think an eye doctor would be particularly concerned with. There does seem to be a split here amongst right-wing females on this point. Disagreeing with Tantaros is Megyn Kelly, who interviewed Rand Paul on her show last night and gave him some free advice, just in case there is anyone out there who still pretends Fox is not a propaganda organ for the Republican Party.
  

  “Chuck Todd came out and said you had to be careful because you attacked two prominent female interviewers. The Guardian said you were condescending to female reporters,” Kelly told Paul.

  “I, as a female reporter, would say to Chuck Todd and The Guardian, we don’t need your help. Savannah Guthrie doesn’t need your help. Kelly Evans doesn’t need your help, and you are entitled to push back on the interviewer just as much as you would if you are a man.”

  Also on his side is – ugh – Dana Loesch. Always a good ally to have if you want to run your campaign directly into a wall.
  Sure, being a combative, bad-tempered jackwagon in interviews is a great strategy for winning an election. Just ask President John McCain. For the record, yr Wonkette is split on this issue. While we agree that Rand Paul’s dickishness knows no gender bias, some of us also can’t imagine him shushing a male reporter the way he did to Kelly Evans on CNBC recently. But the fact this will remain an issue until Paul gets through one interview with a woman without turning into Sean Connery in Goldfinger is a pretty major fuck-up.

Join us again tomorrow, when Rand Paul will surely fuck something else up.
[Buzzfeed / Buzzfeed again / Time / New York Times / TPM]