By Linda the Dolt
So, you know how Notre Dame is a Catholic school, and religion is relevant to politics? And… and… you know how Donald Trump often involves himself in politics, even though he’s never technically run for public office?
So, you know how Notre Dame is a Catholic school, and religion is relevant to politics? And… and… you know how Donald Trump often involves himself in politics, even though he’s never technically run for public office?
Yes? Ok,
good. So we’ve established that this Manti Te’o/Donald Trump anecdote
we’re about to tell you is super-relevant to politics, and therefore
we’re not being completely unprofessional by writing about
something off-topic, which is definitely not something we would ever do, because we are a classy and well-respected publication.
(Seriously, click on that “classy” hyperlink. Amazing boner joke there.
One of our best, if we do say so ourselves.)
Anyway, now that we have that out of the way…
Sports Illustrated
apparently published a heart-wrenching story about how this Te’o guy,
who is a Notre Dame football star (or a basketball star or an American
Idol contestant or something? We don’t really follow sports), learned
that he had lost both his grandmother and his cancer-stricken girlfriend
on the very same day this September. People who watch sports were
deeply affected by this story and it was a big deal or something.
But then the website Deadspin achieved a major journalistic coup on Wednesday with their bombshell investigative report uncovering
that the cancer-stricken girlfriend never even existed. Some
person either duped Te’o by posting fake pictures to Twitter and then
carrying on a fake long-distance relationship with him, or Te’o was in
on it the whole time for the publicity and sympathy.
Anyway,
the important thing to remember here is that Deadspin achieved a major
WIN for uncovering the hoax … which then led politics-related person
Donald Trump to tweet a congratulations to the Deadspin writers … which
then led the Deadspin writers to post THE GREATEST TWEET THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE in reply:
17 Jan 13
Congratulations to Tom Scocca and Timothy Burke of @Deadspin for exposing the Manti Te’o fiasco.
@realDonaldTrump Go fuck yourself.
The “official” story (aggresive quotation marks there) is that the Deadspin reply had something to do with Trump
not crediting the correct author. However, we choose not to believe
this. We prefer instead to believe that the reason Deadspin replied to
Donald Trump’s sincere congratulations by telling him to go fuck himself
was simply because Donald Trump is a tremendous wad-of-dick.
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