Posted by
Rude One
Resident Donald Trump, an angry, rotten tangerine on top of a sack of dead hogs, spoke out yesterday about
FBI raid
of the home, office, and hotel room (whuh?) of his lawyer, Michael
Cohen. You might know Cohen as "That motherfucker? Fuck him." Cohen is
like Roy Cohn except less charming in the same way that a rabid bear is
less charming than a cobra.
Speaking before he surrounded himself with military leaders to pretend to be their commander, Trump
went off
on Special Counsel Robert Mueller and anyone who wasn't a citizen of
Trump World before the filthy swamp of Washington, DC tainted their
virgin white garments. "So I just heard that they broke into the office
of one of my personal attorneys," Trump started, ignoring the fact that
"they" is actually "we," as in employees of the Justice Department and
thus the federal government. "I have this witch hunt constantly going on
for over 12 months now — and actually, much more than that. You could
say it was right after I won the nomination, it started," he continued.
You want to tell him about the Benghazi investigations? Or that for
years he accused President Obama of being born in another country?
Bitch, shit's just getting good. We're not even at the climax yet.
The raid was bullshit, Trump said. "[I]t’s a disgrace. It’s, frankly, a
real disgrace. It’s an attack on our country, in a true sense. It’s
an attack on what we all stand for." The idea that a search warrant,
signed off on by a judge and handled by a Trump-appointed US
Attorney,
is an "attack on our country" means that Trump couldn't give a happy
monkey fuck about our country except in how much l'etat c'est Trump.
He was on a ranting tear. He attacked the investigators, calling them
all "Democrats or a couple of Republicans that worked for President
Obama." He wondered why no Hillary: "[T]hey’re not looking at the
Hillary Clinton — the horrible things that she did and all of the crimes
that were committed. They’re not looking at all of the things that
happened that everybody is very angry about, I can tell you, from the
Republican side, and I think even the independent side."
Think about that for a second. He wants to know why they're not
investigating someone who isn't in government anymore, who was
thoroughly investigated, and about whom an investigation is still
percolating
even though there isn't a goddamn thing to investigate except how
stolen emails got to the Trump campaign. But, mostly, think about how
disgustingly self-pitying that is. "Why aren't you looking into this
thing the man on the TV told me is bad when he told me I am good?" Trump
is saying. "Why you no believe man in TV? I like man in TV. And other
man in TV. And pretty lady in TV."
Then the mental breakdown of the cornered rat started to occur as his
brain just started to dump shit in random bursts of words. Seriously,
this is the
resident of the goddamn United States, and he's like a
skeevy john trying to explain to cops that they shouldn't arrest him
when there are murderers out there: "[T]hey don’t even bother looking.
And the other side is where there are crimes, and those crimes are
obvious. Lies, under oath, all over the place. Emails that are knocked
out, that are acid-washed and deleted. Nobody has ever seen — 33,000
emails are deleted after getting a subpoena for Congress, and nobody
bothers looking at that."
Goddamn, you want this to be more satisfying, doncha? Shouldn't we be
rejoicing a bit, texting our friends gifs of people saying,
"Nice" or "Oh, hell,
yeah."
Except for every little bit of celebration, we think, "But what if,
after all this, the dickhole gets away with it?" For every delicious bit
of schadenfreude, we wonder how long it'll take to clean up the
shitpile he'll leave behind. Yeah, it's stomach-churning and hard to
find pleasurable.
And yet...
"The F.B.I. agents who raided the office of
Resident Trump’s personal
lawyer on Monday were looking for records about payments to two women
who claim they had affairs with Mr. Trump, and information related to
the publisher of The National Enquirer’s role in silencing one of the
women." That's right. According to the
New York Times, the raid
was about Trump's wandering dick and everything his pathetic
thug-wannabe lawyer tried to do to shut women up about his dick.
So while Trump was ranting about "They found no collusion whatsoever
with Russia. The reason they found it is there was no collusion at all.
No collusion," the Southern District of New York, led by a Rudy
Giuliani crony, had the FBI tear up Cohen's shit because of suspicion
that Trump and Cohen were lying about something to do with Trump's
adulterous dick. Russia may have little to do with this particular raid.
So Donald Trump may end up being crushed by walls made of pussy.
Michael
Cohen may be wrecked by women he and his boss tried to wreck.
Ah, there
it is. There's that satisfaction I was looking for.